What is my calling
My pitches to publications have been far
and few for almost a year now. What was a forced sabbatical from writing due to
my mother's ill health, became prolonged because of my own "wristy"
problem - "carpal tunnel syndrome", in medical jargon, that still
persists. However, during this period of near-hibernation (from a writing
perspective), my thought process has acquired a new dimension - well, not
entirely new, I would say. What had always been a part of me, safely stashed
away in the recesses of my subconscious perhaps, has surfaced with a vengence.
and few for almost a year now. What was a forced sabbatical from writing due to
my mother's ill health, became prolonged because of my own "wristy"
problem - "carpal tunnel syndrome", in medical jargon, that still
persists. However, during this period of near-hibernation (from a writing
perspective), my thought process has acquired a new dimension - well, not
entirely new, I would say. What had always been a part of me, safely stashed
away in the recesses of my subconscious perhaps, has surfaced with a vengence.
From writing to sell, to delight on
seeing my bylines, I now wish to make a shift - a temporary one, although; to write
for the self, to do some soul-searching, perhaps to discover myself. Needless
to say I am currently navigating turbulent seas! Self-created turbulence I
admit, occasioned by a restless mind that is witnessing a deluge of thoughts.
seeing my bylines, I now wish to make a shift - a temporary one, although; to write
for the self, to do some soul-searching, perhaps to discover myself. Needless
to say I am currently navigating turbulent seas! Self-created turbulence I
admit, occasioned by a restless mind that is witnessing a deluge of thoughts.
This onslaught of thoughts is as diverse
as it is complex. The fact is, I do not want to plod through life and allow
myself to flow with the tide. I have to achieve, accomplish, do something! Do
what? Not something that will catapult me to fame, bring me name, and riches. No,
this is not what I seek - and perhaps, this is the only objective I'm sure of -
of not wanting all this. Importantly, I need to find my bearing, to calm the
mind to a state of equilibrium, by discovering my calling. That is, if I am destined to have one! Fortunately
for me, the good part of all this rumination is that , the tumultous and
ideating mind, constantly in motion, does not verge on the depressive or
negative.
as it is complex. The fact is, I do not want to plod through life and allow
myself to flow with the tide. I have to achieve, accomplish, do something! Do
what? Not something that will catapult me to fame, bring me name, and riches. No,
this is not what I seek - and perhaps, this is the only objective I'm sure of -
of not wanting all this. Importantly, I need to find my bearing, to calm the
mind to a state of equilibrium, by discovering my calling. That is, if I am destined to have one! Fortunately
for me, the good part of all this rumination is that , the tumultous and
ideating mind, constantly in motion, does not verge on the depressive or
negative.
That brings me to deeply ponder the
issue: does every one born in this vast wide world, have a calling? The flood of
doubts, questions, they are never-ending. I have always been puzzled and
intrigued by friends and acquaintances who seem happy and in harmony with
themselves, happy, simply to be, discharging mundane household chores and
taking care of their families. Then
there are the others who appear to be in a cozy zone, filling almost every
minute of their lives attending kitty parties, club-hopping, watching mega
soaps that portray human creatures in their darkest elements, or, even doing nothing at all!
issue: does every one born in this vast wide world, have a calling? The flood of
doubts, questions, they are never-ending. I have always been puzzled and
intrigued by friends and acquaintances who seem happy and in harmony with
themselves, happy, simply to be, discharging mundane household chores and
taking care of their families. Then
there are the others who appear to be in a cozy zone, filling almost every
minute of their lives attending kitty parties, club-hopping, watching mega
soaps that portray human creatures in their darkest elements, or, even doing nothing at all!
Diametrically opposite to this lot of
'happy' people are those like my sister and several others her ilk who live
power-packed days, achieving something all the time - in the sense of living
satisfying lives - venturing into fields they probably did, or did not dream
of. They discover themselves anew, hone talents which perhaps they did not
think they had! I am zapped by their spirit and verve, and they pack much more
in the day than I can even dream of doing at this juncture. Not because I am
short-charged on time, not because external forces thwart my efforts and eat
into my time.
'happy' people are those like my sister and several others her ilk who live
power-packed days, achieving something all the time - in the sense of living
satisfying lives - venturing into fields they probably did, or did not dream
of. They discover themselves anew, hone talents which perhaps they did not
think they had! I am zapped by their spirit and verve, and they pack much more
in the day than I can even dream of doing at this juncture. Not because I am
short-charged on time, not because external forces thwart my efforts and eat
into my time.
The problem is me, my absolute need to
know the path I am walking! And to know this, I need to get back to basics, to
know who I am and for what purpose I am here. Tall task, a daunting
search. I believe that creativity of any
kind, and in fact, even the passionate and enthusiastic pursuit of one's job,
can be cathartic. As writing is for me. Or
is it? It seems paradoxical that even as I remain a skeptic on my writing
skills, I choose to put it to the acid test - to see if it will enable me on an
introspective journey to unravel myself, to find that important calling.
know the path I am walking! And to know this, I need to get back to basics, to
know who I am and for what purpose I am here. Tall task, a daunting
search. I believe that creativity of any
kind, and in fact, even the passionate and enthusiastic pursuit of one's job,
can be cathartic. As writing is for me. Or
is it? It seems paradoxical that even as I remain a skeptic on my writing
skills, I choose to put it to the acid test - to see if it will enable me on an
introspective journey to unravel myself, to find that important calling.
I do not know when and where this rocky
sail will drop anchor. And when it does, I do not know whether it is to pause,
ponder and alter course. Or perhaps, would it be journey's end, where I've found an answer to my
quest and I've come to rest, only to embark on the path of my true calling!
sail will drop anchor. And when it does, I do not know whether it is to pause,
ponder and alter course. Or perhaps, would it be journey's end, where I've found an answer to my
quest and I've come to rest, only to embark on the path of my true calling!
***
